Chapter 14
I have twins—a boy and a girl—that are approaching puberty. I want to make sure I prepare them for events that will come. What is the typical age of menarche? Do boys have a similar pivotal event? What is important for them to know about the transformation of puberty? I remember when I was experienced puberty I felt embarrassed, moody, and afraid. I want to make it easier for them.
Dear Abby,
Boys and girls pubertal development begins about the same time. Pubertal developments of boys are not as obvious as girls, but boys start a little after; maybe a few months or so. The average age is about 12 years old.
It has been a decade, and making new family habits are hard. I don’t know how much that you counsel with your children. I would recommend counseling with your children on a personal private level at least once a month. If you are a rock star parent, Private parent child counseling once a week would be good. Do it as much as needed. Seek an appropriate relationship. Develop a right and a wrong to any conversation that comes up. Don’t be pressured to have an answer at the moment. If you don’t have an answer, tell them that you have to ponder how to advise them in their dilemma. I don’t recommend the parenting style of a permissive parent, where you let the child figure out what is right without much counseling. I encourage that the father and you become united in moral views by discussion in order to not have a proper united stance.
I further recommend that the father counsel with your son. Have each gender parent counsel with the same sex, for you understand better what they will go through a least a little bit. I am not saying that a father cannot counsel with his daughter, but he cannot offer as good as advice at least in the beginning unless he had a sister.
A proper relationship that I have proposed is not a friendship, but of a fatherly or a motherly relationship. Don’t discuss worldly thing that would express hypocrisy in the standards taught. Live up to the principles that you teach. Keep the time as sacred. The times will be sacred. Don’t restrict the topics of the conversations. The conversations should be planned, but not set to that discussion. You will never know how the conversation will be like; therefore, don’t go in with a structured conversation. Although a number of set conversations may be good, this well let your child be prepared to be open to discuss the normal important topic. If a person will not know what is going on, confusion will be felt.
Trust and respect is very important. I had a parent that was trying to guide me to actions that were not my desires. Trust is weaker in this ability, if you are trying to manipulate their actions. It is not counseling then. This is an authoritarian relationship with your child. It is so common that it is called a parenting style. They can be no use to speak to you because they can easily know that you approve or disapprove and see that you are working to make your desires happen not theirs. Let them run their life and have their desires. It throws out trust because it is not for them, but it is for you do have your will accomplished not theirs.
Trust is important to keep; although, you can’t be perfect. It is good to practice this forgiving understanding relationship. They may think that you are a perfect person by your best efforts though. Have a problem solving relationship. They will face a new lifestyle. Change is usually not liked; therefore, there should always be something to talk about.
Make sure that you are good at listening. If you are not a good listening, what is the use of the conversation? You can go off expressing your wisdom on something, and it would not even be what he wanted to discuss. What type of help is that?
Be consistent. I will now review in closing. Personal private parental counseling is a key to informing your children on life. I recommend at weekly. Have standards, which both parents have decided on. Have an appropriate trusting as a parent by being an example of what you teach, listen, don’t have you own agenda for his life, have open conversation about everything, but be planned.
Sincerely
Alex
I know there is variation in when children reach puberty, but I was shocked to hear on the news about a nine-year-old who was pregnant. How is that even possible? Can she still deliver a healthy baby or are there likely to be problems? Why do children so young get involved in sexual relationships?
Dear Abby,
Some youth live really hard lives. It is particularly difficult with they begin menarche early, beginning as early as 8 years old. A hard life can speed the pubertal development. Other causes that may make puberty develop this early are the genetic make-up of the person and a fatty lifestyle.
Often African Americans develop earlier than other races.
A fatty lifestyle causes the production of hormones, and hormones make the changes of puberty of a body. The developing production of hormones can cause the early on-set of puberty. Stress also causes the production of them.
Theoretically, it makes sense that the maturing of a human is speed up by stress because stress indicates self-reliance may need to be implemented earlier. Other the living standards such as the Asian cultures don’t encourage the individual to be self-sustaining and married until the late 20s; all settled down.
The nine-year-old girl that you spoke of can been of a variety of situations. It is probably an abusive relationship; although, girls do feel isolate from the rest of their cohort. If they have puberty before everyone else, they tend to seek an older man’s relationship. Sex abusers attack any age of children. Often-times it is a family member that is the offender.
I heard of the Idaho girl that was impregnated at age 9, and she took the child to full term. The child weighed about 6 pounds.
A teenage pregnancy is risky to the health not to mention that the health of a preteen is at risk, when pregnant at such a young age. They are at risk of preterm labor, higher risk of caesarian section, high blood pressure, and diabetes. These risks are mainly because the child is not fully developed. A nine year old child cannot have grown wide enough hips to safely deliver the baby. This is a huge risk for women. I hope that she had a caesarian section.
I liked how respectful the news organization was for that girl not to expose her identity.
Sincerely
Alex
My 15-year-old daughter is very athletic, but I’m worried because she’s been slow to develop. She has not even had her first period. I wonder if she is pushing herself too hard. Her finish times in her cross-country races have dropped significantly, and her endurance has improved. But I’m concerned because she seems to always be tired. She’d sleep until noon if I’d let her. I’m also bothered a little by her eating habits. Should I be worried about her?
Dear Abby,
If you are worried about her eating habit, you should expound them more than her athletic abilities. The late physical and pubertal development of a girl is nothing to be concerned about compared to eating disorders. If her times are significantly dropping, that can be a cause for concern, if she is working as hard as ever running. I will describe the indicators of eating disorders, so you can be reassured of the deeper problem. Don’t wait to implement intervention, telling me of the situation, if you see these indicators.
One pattern noticed by experts. There is a three step cycle. It is listed as the following behaviors: obsessive dieting, overeating, and over-exercising. I don’t know how much your daughter weighs, so I will expound of the main three eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, and obesity. Unless you are too ashamed of telling that she has not been much at all, the probability that she is anorexic is low.
These people tend to under-eat and over-exercise. Many young women with anorexia are severely depressed and at risk of suicide. There are 4 symptoms of diagnosis.
· Refusal to maintain a body weight that is at least 85 percent of normal for age and height
· An intense fear of weight gain
· Disturbed body perception and denial of the problem »
· Absence of menstruation (in adolescent and adult females)
Bulimia is about 3 times more common than anorexia. They tend to eat impulsively, consuming thousands of calories at a time; then, they purges themselves of the calories by induced vomiting or laxatives. Bulimic people may look normal, but they are at risk of damage to their gastrointestinal systems and cardiac arrest from electrolyte imbalance. There are 3 symptoms for this eating disorders diagnosis.
· Bingeing and purging at least once a week for three months
· An uncontrollable urges to overeat
· A distorted perception of body size
In the pattern and cycle written above, Obesity comes when they give up on themselves. Sadly as nearly 30 of youth are over-weight or obese 60% of adolescent girls and 30% of boys are trying to lose weights rather than seeking a healthy diet and an active lifestyle.
The origin of eating disorders can be triggered by testing diet, having odd eating habits; culture; and controlling parental situations. Another sad thing is that the symptoms of your daughter point to anorexia. I hope that this is not true.
Sincerely
Alex
Chapter 15
My teenage daughter is the worry of my life. She doesn’t seem to consider the long-term consequences of her decision. She drives fast, participates in thrill-seeking activities, and I wonder if she is sexually active. I’m terrified that she is going to end up pregnant, with an STD, or worse yet, dead. Is extreme adventure just part of the current generation? How can I help her understand that she is not invincible?
Dear Abby,
These are truly frightening times, a time for your daughter that she follows emotionally driven. I am grateful to tell you that this time, when your daughter is still developing her whole conscientiousness, is temporary.
She is still developing from the effects of the hormonal changes of puberty. These changes give new experiences, feels, desires, and physical changes, a change from a child to an adult. They can may an adolescent have irrational thoughts. These parts of emotion and hormone are of the brain, and they develop first before the cognitive more logical brain is developed, which is called prefrontal cortex. The emotion and hormone part of the brain is called the limbic system. Since the limbic system grows first, the frontal more logical part of the brain may be shut down with cognition and thought; therefore, they are impulsive and thoughtless.
This adolescent radicalism is nothing new; other-than-the-fact, past generations had to mature to be self-reliant by their teenage years, having to practice cognitive awareness. Most generations were sexually active in their adolescence. It is not a characteristic of the generation. Since this generation is more commercialistic than any other generation, these commercial adventures may make their activities extreme. It has only come in recent generations that the child has been protected from labor, giving them a right to education, and there is a time of lacking pragmatic learning. Pragmatic learning is learning from real life situations.
A means of facing reality is to go out into nature. There is a current trend where humans rule the world, domesticating most everything, that we have nature deprived children. I recommend that you take her out on fun activities that show her the real nature of the world. Perhaps let her feel the danger of kayaking down a river, or camping, where there is a risk of bears, if she ignores proper precautions.
I hope that this is helpful.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
My house is full of teenage drama. A bad hair day is a catastrophe. My daughter is so self-conscious of every zit, of her clothing, and what others might think of how she looks. I fear that she might develop an eating disorder. She seems very concerned about what others think of her. I try to comfort her, but she acts as if I grew up on another planet and that I have no idea about anything. Is this typical behavior for adolescents? What should I do?
Dear Abby,
I already sent you a letter about how to see the proper hints of eating disorders. Have you ignored that letter? They have lifelong risks. The teenage years are the time, when the body builds its foundation of their adulthood. Eating disorders are very serious situations not to be taken lightly neither should this foundational development of your health.
Adolescence still has not grown out of the egocentrism. They still think that the world revolves around their thought processes; therefore, their impulsive, emotion, immature thoughts are imposed on everyone else. They think that they are the pinnacle of society, and they need to live up to that standard. Since they are the pinnacle of society, their wisdom is greatest, and your rational is foolish.
Comforting them is good. Although they may not appreciate it verbally, they do appreciate it. Adolescents are prone to forsake the cognitive processes, but they are available to practice. Adolescents have a tendency to think a lot of themselves. They face very hard time with peer pressure and completely new concepts concerning life. They face new situation, feelings, body shape, desires, and more. These changes need a lot of thought, but they may forsake thought occasionally to relax. They are trying to adapt. Figuring out the temporal things may ease the stress of adolescence according to their experience. I hope that you understand that this behavior is natural by my extensive explanation.
I recommend that you don’t stress their faults, maintaining a proper parental relationship. Explore your role as a parent, realizing that your role is not merely to be a friend, but a parent should be more than a friend. Since they have cognitive capacity, appeal to their judgments. A teaching relationship can be trusted, if you have applied it from before puberty. The fruits may change this relationship as they may not recognize your wisdom as applicable, but seeking a counseling relationship can be good, understanding them. This may not be good to apply if you are beginning it now.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
I feel I have lost all influence with my teenage son. He used to listen to me. Now he questions and debates everything I say. There is always some hypothetical situation or contrived example. While I appreciate his idealism, he is so naïve about things. For example, he believes that there should be absolutely no laws that curtail our religious freedoms. He also oversimplifies the political problems in our country and believes a few correct decisions are going to fix everything. If teens are better able to think abstractly, why are so many of their ideas so naïve?
Dear Abby,
Adolescents are discovering new thought processes as well as many other things; therefore, they are very into themselves. They think of a lot concerning themselves, and they are still emerging from childhood. Although they think a lot of themselves, their cognitive processes are limited too as the prefrontal cortex if the last to develop and that is developmental to wiser logic as they learn from experience. Adolescents can be into themselves a lot, exploring abstract thought, since that is a new skill. As you may have realized, your son’s mind is just embracing idealism by this new ability with analytically, logically, and as you have noticed hypothetically. Since these abilities are new brand, an adult would think that their thinking is naïve; however, their confidence in their understanding is starting from the basics of grasping the concepts of, the philosophy, idealism. Their state of new hormone balancing as well as emotion limits their thought processes and simplifies them. This suppression of logic makes them impulsive upon little thought. These are some reasons developmental reasons why your son is “naïve.”
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
Chapter 16
My teenage daughter is so obedient. I hear horror stories from other parents about their teens pushing the boundaries, exploring new fads or activities, or participating in risky behavior. While I want her to be wise and safe, I sometimes wonder if she is too cautious. She seems content to adopt our values, work in the family business, and carry on where we have left off. Should I be concerned? Or are we just fortunate parents?
Dear Abby,
Developmentalists have named 4 attitudes of adolescence. They are named at the following: (1) achievement and (2) role confusion, some choose (3) foreclosure, others (4) moratorium. These attitudes will be described, for they are in relation to role identity. An adolescent characterized by the achieved role identity has found their goals in life. Role confused adolescents have little or no purpose in their work perhaps academic work has no purpose in their life. Foreclosure of adolescence is a lifestyle or attitude of going through life following the expectations of tradition, without question or many goals. The moratorium of adolescence is the periods of times that people engage it to delay committing one life to a cause; thus, this cause will be creating of the individuals. These delaying activities are a stage of finding one’s identity. Taking general classes at a college deciding ones career path is an example as well as military service and missionary work. I would say that your daughter is in the stage of foreclosure. This is not permanent; although, it can be a lasting attitude. These 4 observations of development are stages in finding their identity.
Sincerely
Alex Hicken
In early adolescence, my daughter had more friends than she does now. She does have a few close friends, but I’ve encouraged her to expand her friendship group. How do friendships change during adolescence? When do most start pairing off with the opposite sex and spending less time with their same-sex friends? Is there anything parents should know about friendships?
Dear Abby,
It is common for children to seek groups of friends that you are used to, but your child is growing to be an adult. Soon the only thing that she will care about is here husband and children. There is a transition transitioning from groups of friends to smaller mixed-sex groups and lastly coupling up with private intimacy. Adolescence usually begin date by their 16th birthday by national studies, but I volunteered at a local middle school. These trends may be earlier than thought. I know that middle school students date, engage in risky activity, and sexual relations. These may be extreme cases. I don’t know. I don’t encourage parents to participant in the manipulation of children’s friendships. They should choose for themselves; although, we see children and the peers making clichés. What can you do?
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
Is parent-child conflict inevitable during the teen years, or am I just doing something wrong? I know teens near adulthood and need more independence, but with all the crazy decisions, they make it seems quite obvious that they still need a lot of help and guidance. How can I remain influential in my teens’ life while still helping them grow? What advice do you have for parents and/or adolescents during this challenging time?
Dear Abby,
Parent- child conflicts are common and inevitable; although, contention does not have to be frequent. Adolescents still need a guiding parent, and I highly advice a counseling relationship to help in their decision making in private discussions. Parents have the most important role in the learning of adolescence; although, they may seek peer acceptance. You need to provide a refresh relationship with them.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
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